Dr. G's after Break Up Tips: 8 Practical & Necessary Steps
Have you gone through a break up in the last year? Did you go through a break up over a year ago and are still dealing the various feelings??
After many conversations with women and even men and going through a break of up my own, I’ve learned that we really don't know how to handle things after a break-up. The typical sayings
“You can find better”
“Time will heal”
“Hurry and go out with someone else” and others like these, don’t really help. In the past, I even said and thought these things, not truly understanding the impact of a break up. Also the statement “Time heals all wounds”,is not entirely correct. It's what you DO with that time. Example: Someone could have gone through a break up one year ago and seem to still not be ok. One of those reasons might be because they didn't address so things and dated too soon (see tips below
If there was any type of emotional connection you WILL need to time to heal and be restored. You will need to DETOX for him or her. After a break up, my sister asked me “Do you need restoration” and I quickly responded “No, not at all. I’m good” But the reality was, I wasn’t good and I didn’t really realize that I wasn’t. A break up can be much harder than people want to admit, because we are a society of “keep it moving”, “you’ll be ok”. While this may be true, some healing needs to occur.
The following tips are some that I’ve used and some I’ve recommended to many people,
Each of the tips is for your heart protection. Proverbs 4:23 says Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Disclaimer: These things may not be easy but it is important that they are done for your HEART PROTECTION and for your healing. And I am not saying that if you follow each, you will be good in 30 days, but in the long term, things could be easier.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3
1. Don’t communicate with him or her for a minimum of 30 days.
This means text, email, DM, or phone unless you must (are parents together, are in a group together, work together and if this is the case- keep it short and professional). Even if you say you want to be friends, you need time for yourself in order to fully heal, which can’t happen if the two of you are in communication. This will seem very hard and for some almost impossible. But you need to detox. You’ve probably created habits with this person and he or she needs to be out of your system, in the dating sense. **And even after the 30 days, you may decide there is no need to get into contact. And that is OK and probably good. Remember #heartprotection
To Do: Send a polite email or text stating that you need some time and that you will contact when you’re ready
2. Unfriend/ stop following him or her on social media
This is for HEART PROTECTION. Yes everything! Instagram ,twitter, Facebook, tumblr, etc. It is beneficial not to see pics or updates from that person. Just seeing a pic or update from him or her might cause various reactions. Also you want to be on social media without having to worry or be scared.
To do: Send a message informing them that you are unfriending them and politely ask them if they would not like any of your posts for a while.
3. Don’t go out with anyone for at least three months.
Now, 3 months is just a rule of thumb. But no rebound dating. For real! It may need to be less or more depending on the connection and physical activity.Too often people move right into another relationship without healing because being alone isn’t fun. You don’t want to take all of your issues into the next relationship. Now there could always be some residual after a break up, but give yourself time. And we’ve all heard the phrase “hurt people hurt people” which is true.
To Do: Be Still. Really, don’t go out with anyone. Use the time to get more productive, hang out with friends and family you put on the back burner, have time to yourself to chill, reflect, etc.
4. Delete all pictures
I know, this one seems to be one of the more difficult ones. Deleting pictures doesn’t mean you are deleting the person or memories. But the pictures show something that is no more and even if you get back together, you will most likely be a different person in a different place as well as the other person. When you see the pictures, you are tempted to look at them, re-live the past and reopen wounds. You will always have the memories. Again this is for your HEART PROTECTION
To Do: Delete all pictures from phone and consider deleting pictures from social media pages. If too difficult, put pictures in a folder on your computer, still delete from phone, and when ready delete the folder.
5. Delete all text messages.
Yes ALL text messages (there are exceptions- related to work, school, parenting stuff-other than that-delete). You will be too tempted to re-read the texts.
To Do: Just hit delete. Like ripping off a bandaid.
6. Invite a friend to walk with you
After a break-up you are still in it and cannot see as clearly as you’d like and might not be strong enough not to look at pictures, call and more. You need someone to check on you from time to time because break-ups are hard. The friend needs to be able to point things out, hold you accountable and be there for you.A friend loves at all times and is born as is a brother for adversity. Prov 17:7
To Do:Give a friend or 2 permission to check on you, hold you accountable, and pray with you. Be sure to lean on those you trust.
7. Ask God to show you what you can learn about yourself.
To Do: Ask God to show you what you can learn about yourself. Really be still and listen.
Read and Pray on Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.
8. Pray continually.
1 Thes 5:17 Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:198
Wow, some of those tips may seem hard. Keep in mind that even if you follow all of the tips you likely will still experience some hurt or confusion. These tips will make it somewhat easier and again it is for your HEART PROTECTION. I do have to say that I did these but not right away. For example: I should have done the 30 days but instead we spoke 4 days later, I should have deleted the social media sooner, but I did eventually do it all. I had people who